Conversation starters for talking to strangers online

The short version

Skip "hi". Open with a question the other person can answer in one line, about something that is not them personally: where they are in the day, what they were doing before this, or a small opinion. Keep it light, follow up on whatever they give you, and never ask for anything that identifies them.

Why the first line matters more here

Starting a conversation with a stranger in a café is awkward, but neither of you can make the other vanish. In a random text chat or on video, the other person can skip you with one click, and most do if the opening gives them nothing to work with.

That changes the job. You are not trying to be clever. You are trying to give someone an easy, low-effort reason to type one reply. Once they have answered once, they are far more likely to keep going.

Openers that get a reply

These work in text and on video. None of them need a camera, a profile or any context about the person.

Where and when they are

• "Morning or night where you are?"
• "What time is it there? I'm trying to work out who's still awake."
• "Is it raining where you are? It hasn't stopped here all day."

Time and weather are the safest openers there are. Everyone has an answer, the answer is interesting when the other person is on the other side of the world, and it gives nothing away about who they are.

What they were just doing

• "What were you doing before you ended up here?"
• "Bored, can't sleep, or procrastinating?"
• "Honest answer: what should you be doing right now instead of this?"

The multiple-choice version works especially well, because picking one takes no effort and the answer usually invites a follow-up.

A small, harmless opinion

• "Settle something for me: is a hot dog a sandwich?"
• "What's a food everyone likes that you think is overrated?"
• "Quick one: best song you've had on repeat lately?"

People like being asked to judge something. Low-stakes disagreements are one of the easiest ways to get a conversation moving, because you both have a reason to keep defending your side.

Being honest about the situation

• "First time doing this. What do people usually talk about?"
• "I never know how to start these, so: hello, how's your day going?"

Admitting it is awkward takes the pressure off both of you. It also signals that you are here to talk, which on a random chat is not something the other person can assume.

Questions to ask once they reply

A first reply is not a conversation yet. The easiest way to turn it into one is to ask about the thing they just said, rather than moving on to your next prepared question. If you need somewhere to go next, these are open enough to run for a while:

• What's something you've got really into recently?
• What's the best thing that happened to you this week?
• If you could live anywhere for a year, where would you go?
• What's a skill you wish you had?
• What's the most random thing you know a lot about?
• What show or game are you in the middle of right now?
• What's something people usually get wrong about where you live?
• What would you do with a completely free day tomorrow?
• What's a small thing that always improves your mood?
• What's the worst advice you've ever been given?

Notice that none of these ask who the person is. They ask what the person thinks and likes, which is more interesting to answer and gives away nothing that could be used to find them.

Openers that get you skipped

• "hi" or "hey", and nothing else. It hands the other person all of the work of starting the conversation.
• "asl", "m or f?" or "age?" It reads as filtering people rather than talking to them, and most people skip it on sight.
• Asking for social media straight away. "What's your Snap?" in the first minute looks like the only reason you are there.
• Saying nothing. On video especially, sitting in silence waiting for the other person to go first usually ends with both of you skipping.
• Anything sexual. It ends the conversation, and on most services it gets you reported.

On video: what they see before you speak

On a random video chat, the other person has already decided a fair amount before you say a word. A few things make a difference:

• Light on your face. A lamp or window in front of you, not behind you. A silhouette gets skipped.
• Face in the frame. A camera pointed at a ceiling or a chest looks like you are hiding something, even when you are not.
• Say something first. A wave and "hey, how's it going?" beats three seconds of both people staring at each other.

If you would rather not be on camera at all, text chat is a completely normal choice, and the openers above work the same way there.

What not to share, and what not to ask

A good conversation with a stranger does not need either of you to know who the other is. Keep these out of it, in both directions:

• Your full name, or anyone else's
• Your school, workplace, or the city or neighbourhood you live in
• Social media handles, phone numbers or email addresses
• Photos, especially anything you would not want forwarded
• Anything to do with money, however the request is framed

If someone pushes for any of that, you do not owe them an explanation. Leave the chat. The same goes for anyone who makes you uncomfortable, for any reason. Our safety page has the community guidelines and what to do if someone is in danger.

When a conversation is not going anywhere

Most random chats end within a minute, and that is fine. It is not a judgement on you: people skip because they were looking for something different, got distracted or just wanted to see who else was on.

If you have tried two questions and are getting one-word answers, say "nice talking to you" and move on. The point of talking to strangers is that the next one is a completely different person.